TRAILER - SCARED TO DEATH (1981)

They wanted to create a new form of human life...they failed.


Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - DEATH SPA (1990)

Now when it comes to slasher films for fitness fucks I am more of a KILLER WORKOUT kind of guy. I just dig the hell out of both that story and the soundtrack. DEATH SPA however, is the gory twisted mess of a girlfriend to KILLER SPA which is still good but not great. Definitely more bloody though and who can complain about that.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE (1974)

 

Brian Depalma's ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW killer. Featuring better music, better story, more interesting characters! An amazing bit of movie making. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

Drink up! We've got movies to watch

Moe

TRAILER - THE DEFILERS (1965)

The 60's started a revolution in violence on film. The modern gore era wouldn't exist if it weren't for roughies like THE DEFILERS. Sure it's tame by today's standard, but it's just sleazy enough to keep it interesting. The master David F Friedman (R.I.P.) Wrote and Produced this Lee Frost Directed scumfest of 2 guys kidnapping a girl and having their way with her over and over "just for kicks, man". Enjoy it, sickos!

Drink up! We've got movies to watch

Moe

SCENE - SATANICO PANDEMONIUM (1975)

 

Perusing the trailers and clips among the Daily Grindhouse archives I noticed a disturbing lack of one of my personal favorites. NUNSPLOITATION! So for my very first post with the DG I decided to share a clip from one of my all time favorite bad nun flicks, The 1975 Classic(k) SANTANICO PANDEMONIUM! This particular scene (and sorry about the terrible video quality) is essentially just dancing, but it features all the things that make this flick wonderful; Nuns being murdered, nudity, ridiculous dancing, and a guy who looks like a mexican Dracula smirking.

The movie is pure bliss, Enjoy

Drink up, We've got movies to watch!

Moe

TRAILER - FATHER'S DAY (2011)

COMING SOON FROM TROMA



A deranged killer and rapist is on the loose and has a taste for Daddy meat. One man will do any it takes to send the bastard to hell!

Sons, lock up your fathers... vengeance arrives on... Father's Day!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986)

Homicidal machines spurred to life by a passing comet attack a ragtag band of survivors at a truck stop. Emilio Estevez leads the humans in a full scale war against the mechanical beasties in this outrageous horror actioner.

This absolute shitfest of a flick was famed horror author Stephen King's one and only directorial effort. King, who was coked out of his mind throughout the production, still manages to instill a sense of fun into the proceedings, mirroring the good time he was having directing this turkey. Killer soundtrack by AC/DC.

Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - AVALANCHE EXPRESS (1979)

Lee Marvin and Robert Shaw... What could go wrong? A whole lot!

The production of this bad boy was fucked when both director Mark Robson and star Robert Shaw died of heart attacks within weeks of each other. Them's the breaks. Monte Hellman came in to complete the film and Gene Corman (brother of Roger) served as line producer. The result is an uneven flick but Lee Marvin is still tough as nails and the picture still works despite the universe trying to smack the fuck out of it.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - YELLOWHAIR AND THE FORTRESS OF GOLD (1984)

Usually when I ask a chick to "blow it" I am not holding a sacred horn.

The budget for this was actually bigger than most Crown International releases, which means it's a fancier pile of shit than their other titles. Still, this is cheesy action at it's best with more slow-motion gun fights than a John Woo movie.

Getting in is easy. Getting out... impossible!

See you on forty deuce,
G

DVD NEWS - Synapse Films releasing WIDE OPEN (Starring Christina Lindberg) & FRAT HOUSE MASSACRE on 8/9/11

Two reasons we are digging the hell out of this news from Synapse:

1. When is a new release that features Christina Lindberg NOT on the DG radar?
2. We are always down for some new horror, particularly one with a vintage 80's title.

______________________________________________



SYNAPSE FILMS PRESENTS
A Summer of SEX and VIOLENCE!
THRILLER (THEY CALL HER ONE-EYE) star Christina Lindberg in WIDE OPEN, and Alex Pucci's FRAT HOUSE MASSACRE!

WIDE OPEN

Double your late summer fun with two new releases from Synapse Films and Impulse Pictures! Featuring the gorgeous Christina Lindberg in her final screen role in WIDE OPEN. Taxi driver Paul and his beautiful journalist girlfriend Marianne already have a strained relationship when things get crazier by Paul bringing his drunken father back to their apartment. As tensions rise, they decide to chill out at a wild movie party and things go from bad to worse (for Marianne anyway) when they both wake up in bed together with Marianne’s sister, Beryl!

Marianne leaves, so Paul decides to spend some time watching strippers and taking Beryl along for some nighttime fun. Everything is going great, until Beryl gets picked up by the evil Mr. X and things turn dangerous. A stolen mink coat, drugs, and violent sex games lead Paul and Beryl to confront Mr. X during the film’s perverse stag party climax! Gustav Wiklund’s WIDE OPEN (aka Sängkamrater, 1974) stars the breathtaking, buxom Swedish beauty Christina Lindberg alongside her THRILLER: A CRUEL PICTURE co-star Solveig Andersson. Christina Lindberg's last starring role, the movie pulls no punches and is loaded with tons of Swedish love and shocking sex!

FRAT HOUSE MASSACRE


Synapse Films adds to your summer glee with FRAT HOUSE MASSACRE, a new film from the creators of CAMP SLAUGHTER. Sean and his little brother Bobby thought joining the Delta Iota Epsilon fraternity would be the best time of their lives with parties, freedom, girls and sex. The fraternity president Mark (Jon Fleming of TVs WILL & GRACE and DANTE'S COVE), however, is a little strange. His twisted hazing rituals include extreme physical and mental torture that lead the boys down a horrific path of destruction and death. But death may be just the beginning, as this gritty twisted film unfolds. Inspired by actual events and set in the year 1979, FRAT HOUSE MASSACRE is a disturbing journey through the twisted world of fraternity boys, pledges and the not-so-innocent sorority sisters swept up in their madness. Loaded with violence, gore, nudity and a fantastic music score by Goblin's Claudio Simonetti, this is the full-length director's cut containing over twenty minutes of additional footage.

Special Features and Disc Info (Wide Open):

Video Interviews with Actress Christina Lindberg and Director Gustav Wiklund
Christina Lindberg Motion Photo Gallery
Theatrical Trailers
Reversible Nude Cover Artwork
All Regions

Director: Gustav Wiklund
Starring: Christina Lindberg and Solveig Andersson
Run Time: 102 minutes
Release Date: August 9, 2011
Language: English (Dubbed Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono)
Aspect Ratio: Anamorphic Widescreen (1.66:1)
Format: DVD
Price: $24.95

Special Features and Disc Info (Frat House Massacre):

Commentary with Director Alex Pucci
Crew Commentary
Deleted Scenes
Making of Featurette
All Regions

Director: Alex Pucci
Starring: Rane Jameson, Chris Prangley, Jon Fleming
Run Time: 116 minutes
Release Date: August 9, 2011
Language: English
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
Format: DVD
Price: $19.95

_______________________________________________

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - BUCKTOWN (1975)

WHATEVER YOU WANT THEY'VE GOT... And Bucktown is where you'll find it!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - MARK OF THE DEVIL (1970)

At times brutal, at times visually impressive, but all around fucked up grindhouse bliss. Buckle up and find your seats, the torture train is leaving the station. They actually handed out vomit bags when this one was making the rounds. It's not nearly that bad (especially by today's standards) but it still has it's share of ass-spiking.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - THE ICE PIRATES (1984)

Campy, comedic space adventure with decent special effects throws in everything but the kitchen sink for the sake of a good time. Fun cast lead by the charismatic Robert Urich helps a lot. Old fashion story centers around the search for a water planet in the distant future by Ulrich's band of adventures. Funny how the planet in question somehow always turns out to be Earth in these flicks.


Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - IT'S ALIVE (1974)

Larry Cohen had balls the size of Texas to name his horror film after one of the greatest lines in the history of cinema. Then again, this is also the same dude who made one of the best gangster films (BLACK CEASER) of all-time so the man can do what he wants in my book. IT'S ALIVE is a badass little film with plenty of bite and a cool Bernard Hermann score (one of his last).

See you on forty deuce,
G

Siskel & Ebert Review Flashback: HALLOWEEN (1978)

Siskel & Ebert was on Channel 2 at 11:35 pm every Sunday. Here is our weekly tribute to the two legends. Film school starts now.




See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - FIEND WITHOUT A FACE (1958)

Invisible creatures created by telekinetic radiation experiments are on the loose at an American military base in Canada, sucking out the brain and spinal chords of their victims. Base personnel have their hands full figuring out just what the hell is going on until a local scientist provides the answer. And then the little bastards show themselves.

Spooky little gem that shocked audiences of the day due to its violent content. The climatic showdown where the monsters are revealed is a classic, featuring some impressive stop-motion animation and gore.

Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - DRAGONMASTER (1985)

He is the overlord of strange beasts and stolen souls... and really bad, terrible shit-fest films.

This is also known as RAGEWAR, but that title just doesn't have the D&D pull juice.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - HELLGATE (1990)

If Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter is your films hero, there's a good chance it's going to suck. There's also a good chance we own it on VHS and have seen it 3 or 4 times.

Beyond the darkness terror lives forever.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - MANIAC (1980)

When it comes to our old friend Bill Lustig, I am a VIGILANTE and MANIAC COP guy. However, MANIAC is a true classic. Shit's just all kinds of fucked up thanks in no small part to Joe Spinelli. Spinelli has been in some of our favorites: STARCRASH, TAXI DRIVER, ROCKY II, dude just knows how to pick'em.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - THE KILLER (1989)

One Vicious Hitman. One Fierce Cop. Ten Thousand Bullets.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - GONE IN 60 SECONDS (1974)

This film is just as notorious for its 35 minute chase as it is for the complete destruction of more than 90 cars in that 35 minute slot. You can lock your car. But if he wants it...it's GONE IN 60 SECONDS! The Nic Cage remake can suck a dick.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - THE THING (2011)

As huge fans of the Carpenter film, the DG crew has been waiting with high hopes for the prequel, hoping it's not another one of Hollywood's numerous attempts to destroy the storyline of a masterpiece. From the looks of the trailer...we have hope.


Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - VANISHING POINT (1971)

What's a Fast Film? Fast films are the films like BULLET, MAD MAX, THUNDER ROAD, and THE SEVEN-UPSand that make your foot heavier than it probably should be on the gas pedal. The king of Fast Films is VANISHING POINT. A 1970 Dodge Challenger never looked so good as it does in this film. Despite some great performances by both Barry Newman and Clevon Little, the film belongs to the super-charged Challenger. Tighten your seat belt, you never had a trip like this before.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO (1991)

Dolph is reason enough to toss on this flick. You add the all-too short career of Brandon Lee to this Lester classic and son, you got yourself a solid night of ass kicking.

One's a warrior. One's a wise guy. They're two L.A. cops going after a gang of drug lords. Feet first. One's a warrior. One's a wise guy. They're two L.A. cops going after a gang of drug lords. Feet first.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - RED SCORPION (1988)

They think they control him. Think again...

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - I COME IN PEACE (1990)

Craig Baxley has a trifecta of cool that is almost unmatched in action films. After he wrapped up filming several A-Team episodes (and serving as the Stunt Coordinator on PREDATOR), he teamed up with Carl Weathers for ACTION JACKSON, followed by I COME IN PEACE, and STONE COLD. That's a bad muthafucka, that's right!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - RED SONJA (1985)

What can I say... I am a sucker for flicks with green orbes. Ennio Morricone said after he saw RED SONJA: "Wait...what? I did the score for that shit?"

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - VOODOO ISLAND (1957)

Boris Karloff sleep walks through this low budget time filler about a South Pacific island where voodoo is practiced by the natives and giant, prehistoric plants gobble up little girls. Worth catching for Elisha Cook Jr.'s overacting in the finale. Screen debut for Adam West.


Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - JOHN CARTER (2012)

A flat trailer with a much too pretty cast. DG is worried about this one.


Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - THE DEADLY SPAWN (1983)

The Citizen Kane of Aliens That Look Like Dicks with Teeth films. THE DEADLY SPAWN (aka RETURN OF THE ALIENS: THE DEADLY SPAWN) is a micro-budget classic that has built a cult following bigger than the bulge in my pants (see: stuffing with socks). This isn't a film to dismiss, this is made with skill by director (and co-writer) Douglas McKeown who never made another film after this. I guess he blew his wad right out of the gate. Screenwriter Ted Bohus though is another story. He is still in the biz and busting out b-movie bliss with REGENERATED MAN and VAMPIRE VIXENS FROM VENUS.

They Came To Earth To Feed On Human Flesh!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - THE WARRIORS (1979)

New York street gang are falsely accused of murdering a gangland messiah, forcing them to hightail it back to their turf while fighting rival gangs on the way. Gritty action scenes and New York locations highlight this classic Walter Hill actioner. A number of real street gangs appear in the film.


Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - THE HUMAN TORNADO (aka DOLEMITE II) (1976)

The Human Tornado (1976) Original Theatrical... by SaleSud

Plenty of "wait...what the fuck!?!" moments in this sequel to DOLEMITE from Rudy Ray Moore. I dig the hell out of this film but it's uneven and the second half gets old quick. Buckle up sucka! DOLEMITE is back in action!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - DOLEMITE (1975)

It's long been said that the best ideas come from a homeless person making a toast in rhymes to nobody in particular. That's not only how I got the idea to use a trash can as a toilet, but it's also how Rudy Ray Moore got the idea for DOLEMITE. Moore kicks ass (at least tries to) as his alter-ego. I am a big fan of the sequel, but nothing beats the original.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - NIGHTHAWKS (1981)

This is not only some of Rutger Hauer’s best work (BLADE RUNNER is still my favorite) it’s also some of Stallone’s best work in an action film (FIRST BLOOD still takes the prize though). NIGHTHAWKS has some really well done foot chases and stunts that are 100% pant-shitters. This film started out as THE FRENCH CONNECTION III and would have seen Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman) team up with wise a wise cracking cop (Richard Pryor). Hackman was thankfully reluctant and the idea was scrapped and re-written. Thanks cocaine!

One man can bring the world to its knees and only one man can stop him.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - MOTHER, JUGS, AND SPEED (1976)

The F & B Ambulance Co. is looking for a few good men... but they will take any body they can get. Like Mother... Jugs... and Speed!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - MINTY: THE ASSASSIN (2009)

An ass-kicking female super-hero who gets her powers from chocolate? Yeah we're down.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - THE BLOOD SHED (2007)

We haven't had a chance to grab this one yet, but TLA Cult's description is fan-fucking-tastic: If John Waters and H.G. Lewis had sex with a video camera under the influence of strong psychotropic drugs, the end result would most likely resemble Blood Shed, a cult cannibal horror comedy from writer-director Alan Rowe Kelly.

Just Your Average Inbred Hillbilly Cannibal Family.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - PANTHER SQUAD (1984)

Panther Squad (Trailer) by Master_System

Beautiful...Dangerous...and Ready!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - JAWS (1975)

Do you like fish? Well, he likes you too...


Zevk,
Poe

THE NEW RELEASE WALL FOR 7/12

It’s Tuesday, and that means sites and stores will be full of new goodness to tickle your eyeballs with. So sit-back, relax, and take a look at what’s good enough to stick in the movie playing machine.

Another slow week on the release front but we still have a some cool titles dropping so let's boogie.



The DG Pick of the Week is THINGS from Severin's InterVision label. Fans of exploitation and horror know all about the hunt. You hear of a title and become obsessed with tracking it down, most times sight unseen. Once the VHS or DVD hits the player your reaction is one of three things: Elation, mediocre appreciation, or some times full on disappointment. Every once in a while though you find a film that goes beyond elation and into full on geek-gasm. Everything you have heard is true. Every shocking or odd scene lives up to the comments that inspired the hunt to begin with. THINGS is that movie and that’s why it’s the most unique film experience of the summer.

In the last three days I have watched THINGS four times and I still don’t think I can begin to tell you what the fuck this is about, but in a retarded nutshell: Doug lives in a remote California cabin with his wife Susan. Doug wants to have a baby and has dreams of a naked chick in a devil mask and buckwheat size bush handing over a baby. Doug enlists a local doctor to perform experiments on Susan who eventually gives birth to some spider babies that crawl out of her to wreak havoc on the cabin. Before she gives birth though, Doug’s brother Don (played by Barry J. Gillis who also wrote and produced the film) and his friend Fred decide to crash at the cabin to drink beers, eat cheese sandwiches, and talk about gifts from the queen of England in between going through his brother's freezer and filling empty beer bottles with tap water.

Yes I am serious.

There are moments in this that are legitimately disturbing. There moments that are both intentionally and unintentionally hilarious. There are moments that make about as much sense as me fingering a jar of peanut butter while I masturbate to Khloe Kardashian with Rush’s 2012 blasting in the background. The moment THINGS was over, I spent the next 60 minutes talking about it, watched it again, talked another 30-45 minutes and then watched it again with cast/crew commentary. Part of the reason I keep coming back is this endless quest to make sense of it. If nothing else, this is aptly titled.

Director Andrew Jordan and Gillis made this film out of a passion for the horror genre. This is less a horror film and more about a couple film geeks finding their way through film. Yes the dialogue is completely out of sync most of the time, yes the lines sound like they are delivered in between beer burps, but they did what film fans dream about. The cherry on the fucking cake is that THINGS has a life of it’s own now. The shit has become self aware like a Terminator. Jordan and Gillis are like a more competent Mark Borchardt from AMERICAN MOVIE. They got financing, shot on Super 8, hired a cast that included not only a hooker but also an adult film star, and made a movie. We can laugh at THINGS, and my cheeks hurt by the end of it, but they did something I haven’t. Released a film.

There were titles back in the day that my video store carried but where either frequently stolen or just checked out and never returned: FACES OF DEATH, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, MORON MOVIES and others. There was one film though that was always checked out that I never had a chance to see until now: THINGS. Cheers to Andrew Jordan, Barry J. Gillis for making this, and to Evan Husney over at InterVision for releasing this, it's one of the best of the year.

THE GOODS:

THINGS has two commentary tracks: one with cast/crew and one with the Cinefamily gang and both are worth the extra time. The Cinefamily crew did a great job of breaking the film down, having some laughs, but also respecting the work that went into this film. The cast/crew commentary requires drinking, and lots of it. By the end of the commentary I think most involved are shit-faced and it is awesome.

Aspect Ratio: Full-Frame, 1.33

Features:
• Audio Commentary With Director Andrew Jordan And Stars Barry J. Gillis, Jan W. Pachul And Doug Bunston
• Audio Viewing Party With The Cinefamily
• Testimonials On THINGS: All-New Interviews With Tobe Hooper (THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE), Jason Eisener And Rob Cotterill (HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN), Canuxploitation.com Creator Paul Corupe, Joseph A. Ziemba And Dan Budnik Of Bleeding Skull, And “THINGS-ite” Joey Izzo
• THINGS 20th Anniversary Cast And Crew Reunion
• Behind The Scenes With Star Amber Lynn
• Vintage Barry J. Gillis TV Appearances (these are classic)
• Original Trailers

Grab this from TLA Cult here: http://bit.ly/kAbxOc



John Saxon as Sador: Hear me, beings of Akir. I am Sador of the Malmori. I have come with my forces to conquer you. If you resist, I will crush you. I possess a stellar converter, the most powerful weapon in the universe. You cannot resist me. I want your planet to be my colony. Your harvest comes in seven risings of your red giant. I shall return then, and you will accept me as your master. If you do not submit, your planet and all life on it will be burned to ash...You are mine.

Roger Corman knows how to quickly and efficiently pound out a genre picture. His films (outside of one or two) were always profitable, in part because of the talent he found. Scorsese, Coppola, Bogdanovich, Ron Howard, all worked with Corman early in their careers, as did John Sayles and James Cameron. Sayles wrote BATTLE and Cameron started as a model maker, designing the ship Nell to get Corman’s attention: He basically created a ship that resembled a female chest. Cameron was promoted to Production Designer by the end of the film. Along for the ride is John “steel hair” Saxon, George “Hannibal” Preppard, Robert “I am often dull” Vaughn and Sybil “I actually had to be glued into this costume because too many shots were ruined by nipple exposure” Danning. I dig the hell out this film and all that it's trying to be. A true Corman classic!

Grab this from TLA Cult here: http://bit.ly/jomJaN



The magnificent epic of five people who survive the nuclear holocaust and their incredible odyssey through the nightmare world it created. And now, you will not only see it, you will feel it, live it--in "Sound 360"--a revolutionary sight and sound experience!

George Preppard makes me want to chomp on a cigar. DAMNATION ALLEY makes me want to chop on a cigar in a post-apocalyptic world while traveling in an RV from hell. I am highly impressionable.

Grab this from TLA Cult here: http://bit.ly/nF71Pn



We haven't had a chance to grab this one yet, but TLA Cult's description is fan-fucking-tastic: If John Waters and H.G. Lewis had sex with a video camera under the influence of strong psychotropic drugs, the end result would most likely resemble Blood Shed, a cult cannibal horror comedy from writer-director Alan Rowe Kelly.

Grab this from TLA Cult here: http://bit.ly/jeOpXR



I am not a huge fan of James Wan. I thought SAW was just okay, I kind of dug DEATH SENTENCE, but everything else he has done has been lacking. He has a particular style that just seems to be one-note. Having said that, everybody I have talked to down to the last person has liked INSIDIOUS so I am anxious to see if it lives up to my expectations.

Grab this from TLA Cult here: http://bit.ly/q5A9v8



Pinky Violence is one of my favorite genres. Where else are you going to see chick buck ass naked fighting 12 dudes in the snow with a samurai sword? Those films are just nuts and full of all kinds of badass. The double feature here isn't the best work in the genre but it still features Reiko Ike (SEX AND FURY) so it's more than worth having in the collection.

Grab this from TLA Cult here: http://bit.ly/nCphU9



An ass-kicking female super-hero who gets her powers from chocolate? Yeah we're down.

Grab this from TLA Cult here: http://bit.ly/n32NkD

That's it for this week kids. The New Release Wall is taking next Tuesday off since there is shit coming out and the new DG site launch is coming up which means we are slammed. When we are back on 7/26 though we have: AMERICAN GRINDHOUSE, GOBLIN, INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS, LIVE LIKE A COP DIE LIKE A MAN, and MACHETE MAIDENS UNLEASHED.

So until then...

Here's to good watching this week, salute!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - SNAKE EATER (1989)

Don't shake his rattle!

See you on forty deuce,
G

REVIEW - THINGS (1989) - Dropping from InterVision on 7/12

THINGS (1989) Trailer from Intervision Picture Corp. on Vimeo.

THE FILM:

Fans of exploitation and horror know all about the hunt. You hear of a title and become obsessed with tracking it down, most times sight unseen. Once the VHS or DVD hits the player your reaction is one of three things: Elation, mediocre appreciation, or some times full on disappointment. Every once in a while though you find a film that goes beyond elation and into full on geek-gasm. Everything you have heard is true. Every shocking or odd scene lives up to the comments that inspired the hunt to begin with. THINGS is that movie and that’s why it’s the most unique film experience of the summer.

In the last three days I have watched THINGS four times and I still don’t think I can begin to tell you what the fuck this is about, but in a retarded nutshell: Doug lives in a remote California cabin with his wife Susan. Doug wants to have a baby and has dreams of a naked chick in a devil mask and buckwheat size bush handing over a baby. Doug enlists a local doctor to perform experiments on Susan who eventually gives birth to some spider babies that crawl out of her to wreak havoc on the cabin. Before she gives birth though, Doug’s brother Don (played by Barry J. Gillis who also wrote and produced the film) and his friend Fred decide to crash at the cabin to drink beers, eat cheese sandwiches, and talk about gifts from the queen of England in between going through his brother's freezer and filling empty beer bottles with tap water.

Yes I am serious.

There are moments in this that are legitimately disturbing. There moments that are both intentionally and unintentionally hilarious. There are moments that make about as much sense as me fingering a jar of peanut butter while I masturbate to Khloe Kardashian with Rush’s 2012 blasting in the background. The moment THINGS was over, I spent the next 60 minutes talking about it, watched it again, talked another 30-45 minutes and then watched it again with cast/crew commentary. Part of the reason I keep coming back is this endless quest to make sense of it. If nothing else, this is aptly titled.

Director Andrew Jordan and Gillis made this film out of a passion for the horror genre. This is less a horror film and more about a couple film geeks finding their way through film. Yes the dialogue is completely out of sync most of the time, yes the lines sound like they are delivered in between beer burps, but they did what film fans dream about. The cherry on the fucking cake is that THINGS has a life of it’s own now. The shit has become self aware like a Terminator. Jordan and Gillis are like a more competent Mark Borchardt from AMERICAN MOVIE. They got financing, shot on Super 8, hired a cast that included not only a hooker but also an adult film star, and made a movie. We can laugh at THINGS, and my cheeks hurt by the end of it, but they did something I haven’t. Released a film.

There were titles back in the day that my video store carried but where either frequently stolen or just checked out and never returned: FACES OF DEATH, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, MORON MOVIES and others. There was one film though that was always checked out that I never had a chance to see until now: THINGS. Cheers to Andrew Jordan, Barry J. Gillis for making this, and to Evan Husney over at InterVision for releasing this, it's one of the best of the year.

THE GOODS:

THINGS has two commentary tracks: one with cast/crew and one with the Cinefamily gang and both are worth the extra time. The Cinefamily crew did a great job of breaking the film down, having some laughs, but also respecting the work that went into this film. The cast/crew commentary requires drinking, and lots of it. By the end of the commentary I think most involved are shit-faced and it is awesome.

Aspect Ratio: Full-Frame, 1.33

Features:
• Audio Commentary With Director Andrew Jordan And Stars Barry J. Gillis, Jan W. Pachul And Doug Bunston
• Audio Viewing Party With The Cinefamily
• Testimonials On THINGS: All-New Interviews With Tobe Hooper (THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE), Jason Eisener And Rob Cotterill (HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN), Canuxploitation.com Creator Paul Corupe, Joseph A. Ziemba And Dan Budnik Of Bleeding Skull, And “THINGS-ite” Joey Izzo
• THINGS 20th Anniversary Cast And Crew Reunion
• Behind The Scenes With Star Amber Lynn
• Vintage Barry J. Gillis TV Appearances (these are classic)
• Original Trailers

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - SHE FREAK (1967)

Though more SHE than FREAK, this is another classic from legendary producer David Friedman who pulls back the carny curtain for a glimpse of a traveling carnival.

Behind the Tents and Tinsel of a Monster Midway Something Barbaric Occurs on the ALLEY OF NIGHTMARES!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - NO HOLDS BARRED (1989)

No Ring. No Ref. No Rules.

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - UNIVERSAL SOLDIER (1992)

I have always dug the hell out of Van Damme and Lundgren. Although I think Dolph had the more interesting career choices (RED SCORPION trumps anything VAN DAMME ever did), I think the Jean Claude is the better actor between the two (check out JCVD for evidence of that). None of that matters much when it comes to UNIVERSAL SOLDIER. This all about kicking ass and taking names... and ears. This is far from perfect, but matching these two up for a throw-down is the best thing Roland Emmerich ever directed.

See you on forty deuce,
G

Siskel & Ebert Review Flashback - UNIVERSAL SOLDIER (1992)

Siskel & Ebert was on Channel 2 at 11:35 pm every Sunday. Here is our weekly tribute to the two legends. Film school starts now.




See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - CREEPSHOW 2 (1987)

Good to the last gasp!

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - AMERICAN GRINDHOUSE (2010)

A documentary on the American Exploitation Film....should we say more?


Zevk,
Poe

TRAILER - EXCESSIVE FORCE (1993)

This film rocks for two reasons:

1. Lance Henricksen
2. Thomas Ian Griffith was really underrated and he kicks all kinds of ass in this.

Finally the punishment fits the crime

See you on forty deuce,
G

TRAILER - CHINA O'BRIEN (1990)

From the director of ENTER THE DRAGON, comes a movie that proves once and for all... that Cynthia Rothrock could crush a melon between those thighs. Rothrock consistently made some of the best direct-to-video cheese out there. She should have humped Thomas Ian Griffith and gave birth to a vagina with a mullet that could kick Brain James's ass.

Cynthia Rothrock is... the ultimate secret weapon!

See you on forty deuce,
G